can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm like, not good at living.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
