meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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