I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize