I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
