I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
