weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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