She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
