you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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