3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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