the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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