2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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