wanna go halves on a baby?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
