I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
someone owes me an orgasm
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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