I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize