I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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