At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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