So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How does it feel to date your dad?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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