Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
