it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
