In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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