I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
