I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
