i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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