im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
