Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
