About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
