I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
