He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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