I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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