R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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