Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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