Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
