yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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