Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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