I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
