Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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