now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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