The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
