my shit smells like andre
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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