Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
