How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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