How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
