Small penises have feelings too.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
