did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
soo... how was my night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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