I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
