mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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