Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
