we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
