Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
