I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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