i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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