I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
