the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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