she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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