cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
