1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I am morally bankrupt
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
