I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
