You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
