i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
