Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize