Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
