Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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