when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
