Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
