i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Randomize