I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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