I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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