Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
