I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
