i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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