I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
